KRIS JASPER

Happy New Year EveryOne!!!!!!!

2009AD will bring major change in my site. and I will start another webpage too!

yeah, Im writing my longest post, or something like that.

This was me, days before Christmas.

As if someone had written what specification and features a "nearly" perfect specimen should have and that someone had decided to produce me.

In here I am wearing a real skinny jeans, a purple jumper and everything else that does matter to any shallow individual.


And at Christmas eve, after arguing with A as A didnt want to buy me my most favourite food in the whole wide world since I was a toddler, and my most favourite food in the whole wide world is TWIGLETS.
But later on as A knows I am a descendent of Vikings, that my ancestors had done crimes in the ancient world and it's just a matter of time and petty triggers and violence will be resurrected in this world, that I could afford to ruin anyone's Christmas, A had decided to buy me 2 tumblers of TWIGLETS only if I buy A a bouquet of flowers .
Then like an ice left in the park under the scorching heat of the sun, I mellowed. I melted... My furies had died. I had my TWIGLETS... A had those bouquet of flowers.... and we are freakingly happy.

But as if my obstacles to endless Nirvana weren't enough, I forgot that I am KrisJasper, and that I ate papers. That I am different, that I always fight the tide and face opposing directions. 48 hours ago (or more if you happen to read this on 28th of December, or much even later) I sinned. A "forced" me to eat these:

• ROASTED PORK CHOPS seasoned with garlic and soy sauce and brushed with butter
• prawns fried in olive oil
• sprouts that had deadly side effects
• Spag with sweet and chilli tomato sauce, with 2.5 minced beef and topped with cheese
• Fruit salad made of Caramelized Dulce de Leche, pulverized Marks and Spencer's meringue, thick/double cream, Fruits, nata de coco and everything else that could end the life of Diabetics.
• Fruit cake topped with cherries, raisins and nuts
• and my Dad's recipe: whole duck cooked in 7up, wine, pineapple juice, soysauce and topped with pineapple slices, with baby tatos at the side (but A thought it's nice to ruin it by adding those vegetables). I reminded A that it should look like a freaking duck with syrup, not a fucking duck stew. But too late... the murder has been done.

• I have been talking with a deep toned voice,
• Talked using flowery/ancient english words (aka: neologism; Neologism are usually practiced by schizos),
• I decided I would stop taking my pills as my pills make me sleepy... and vampires dont sleep
• I bite A's neck everytime I feel the urge. A said I have to be careful as a dagger will be embedded in my heart if I dont stop. (I have not told A that I dont have a heart).

I was in Iceland store yesterday and I was in a queue for nearly 45 minutes. But that's not my story. I just noticed an old lady behind me and she only bought a box of Kellogs and a pint of milk. That is still not the story but that has affected me emotionally... Just because Im good looking doesnt mean I dont have feelings. I tried squeezing my eyes when I went home if I could cry though but that didnt work. I still couldnt cry. My heart is beating but my soul is dead.

Anyhow, what made me feel low was the self realization I had that whatever we look now, time will come that we will turn into a walking prune.... Old and wrinkly.
sigh.... But I told one staff yesterday that if I start to wrinkle, I will commit suicide.

As it's the time of the year again when we open our gifts and pretend we are happy with what we received, I am sharing with you these tips to lessen your disappointments.

3 KJ's TIPS ON HOW TO KNOW THE CONTENT OF YOUR GIFTS BEFORE OPENING THEM:

1. Ask/ Nag the giver. Tell/text them that you will open it on the 25th anyway, and there are a lot of things in your mind right now so it's one less mental burden for you if they tell you what they have given you now. Give them threats, say you'll commit suicide if they persist on not telling you.

2. Feel your gift. Shake it. It's easy if you're a nurse coz you're used to palpations. If not, just make a small hole at the side and peek inside. Just ensure that you dont damage the gift, but that's the risk you are going to take, On 2nd thought, if you accidentally damaged it (and you dont like it), you can tell the giver this, then he/she might give you another one.

3. Look at your GF/BF/husband/wife's bank statements or online banking statements. This is 100% accurate. If you see a debited amount from let's say TopMan and you dont like it, then you can drop hint. Also you'll instantly know if it's expensive or not. If you're not happy with the amount and which store it was bought from, you can start moaning then. Say I dont like those shirts from "***" or those chocolates from "***" taste vile. Your GF/BF/husband/wife might return what he/she bought then and buy what you have been hinting him/her to buy.

But maybe it's only me who is shallow and materialistic anyway. Whatever it is....

I want to start a new feature in this site. I will call it

KrisjAsper's line of the week.

These are statements that only I, Kris Jasper, can afford to say.

And for this week, KrisjAper's line of the week is:

"If I'm a cannibal

I will eat myself ,

coz I know I look delicious!"

The past week had been ridiculously busy. I was supposed to write in here that Ive watched Inkheart last Saturday with friend M but it's a bit late now. Just in case I have to make a statement about that movie, this'll be it: DONT WATCH IT!

THanks again to my boss and to everyone else where I work. Thanks for remembering my 25th birthday (AGAIN!) last nite. Thanks for the banners and cakes even though the age in there were wrong COZ IM NOT YET 30!

As what I have said in my recent vidblog... I will have a month long celeb.

p.s.

Tough Question # 1: K, buntis ba si M.R at si Dengdung ang ama?

(smile)

This is the first time Im showing my baby sister (and my bro-in-law) in this site.

As much as I'd like to maintain the anonymousity of my private life (you know, I dont want my global readers to think that because I am pathetic, sedative dependent and forced to inhale oxygen and exhale CO2 everyday, those people who share the same clusters of DNA with me also do the same).

No, my sister and my dad, and some of our relatives are normal. That's why they are boring (LOL!!!).

My sis has moved to St. Maarten (somewhere in the Carribean), and understandably, as it is the first time she's away of the Philippines, she is a little bit (?) sad. And no, she's not a pirate, she's a nurse.

As a good (looking) brother, I thought of helping her cope with depression, not by taking Prozac (because that is mine) , but through this...

365 days of that?

6 years ago, when I moved here in the UK, my first address was in a farm. Yes, farm.

You have 365 days of that?

365 days of that?

365 days of that?

NOW, MY TURN.

I am in UK. I have

- dark, gloomy skies

- cold wind, frozen hands

- chapped lips, dry skin

- Has only a week of summer (well...)

- sun burn if we have summer

- sunny today, raining this afternoon

- sunny today, snowing this afternoon

- sunny today, floods later this afternoon

- I pay tax

- I pay tax to watch TV

- Someone named Elizabeth is the queen

- I pay her tax

- frozen foods

- microwaveable foods

- take away foods

- Prozac

yes, 365 DAYS OF THAT.

So I have been busy.
I just got back from the gym and I saw an old naked man, and he looked like a fetus.
Gym is boring, I cannot write in here that it's boring because _______ is no longer in there. And A is not happy with what I have written last week, that tribute I gave ______.
I cannot write in here that the dagger is still deeply embedded in my heart coz of ___________'s absence.
I cannot write them.

Also I have been at work last Thursday, then Friday. I cannot remember what I have done at work, but for the sake of my employers that might be reading this I should write in here that I worked so HARD. sigh...

I worked so hard.. sigh...

I worked ever so hard.. sigh...

And for the fact that we, I meant, I had worked so hard, I had to insert in my compressed, busy work time that social chat I had with the staff. And we talked about other people's life coz that made us feel good. Knowing other people's misery is actually good coz that teaches you to be sympathetic. I occasionally had to say "awww" and sometimes "never..." or " shame...." or "you dont deserve that..."

Not that I meant what I said, I dont know why I mumbled them anyway... But it's my job to be social to those staff. And as a Christian I have to be sympathetic. But dont ask me what we talked about yesterday coz I dont remember; during those times I was looking at my reflection in the mirror. At least I sat with them in their habitat, and that's what matters.

But I think we talked about

- exotic animals we have eaten
- staff CS explained why I am vain
- me pretending to listen to staff CS even though my fucking brain is yawning
- why I put some of them to work Christmas and New Year
- my real age
- who should win the X Factor
- my real weight
- why is it not snowing this month
- why we like it to snow
- why we dont want it to snow
- then we realize it's because of people like us why God cannot decide whether to give us snow or not, coz we cannot make up our freaking minds.

Also psychoticsologist had told me that he can easily determine if I am not serious/ tell lies when talking coz he said he noticed that:

a. I try to maintain a serious face while talking
b. I lower the tone of my voice
c. I grit my teeth

Damn! I always do pranks at work, and I now have to change the way I talk. Unfortunately I am currently being studied, or am I being stalked?

And my mind is not working well. It has not, and will never be. But still, on this season I have to think about other people's state, NOT JUST MINE. I am not vain, I also worry about billions of people who will and have suffered hunger. The pains and traumas other people had experienced. And with the impending global economic recession, unfortunately more people will suffer. More people will be in need. More of us will desire. More of us will fall into performing desperate measures.

Questions for spiritual survival:

WHY?

Why do we have to suffer?

Why is there hunger in this world?

In our darkest hour

In my deepest despair

Will you still care? Will you be there?

Will there be peace on earth?

And will it begin with me?

Should I wear my belt with its end tucked in my jeans?





Should I wear belt with its end freely hanging?


Or should I even bother to wear belt?