Kris Jasper and the Vegetarian Vampires

Bella, will you marry me?

EEEEHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


And it was on the first day it was shown that we watched that film of vampires and wolves and that bitch who wanted to be a vampire, but her anaemic, sedative overdosed looking vampire boyfriend wont give in to her request (yet).

First, the title was shown... and the people screamed (EEEHHHHHHHH!!!!!)

Then Edward was shown.... and the people screamed (EEEEEEHHHHH!!!!!!!!)

Then that naked torso of that werewolf was shown.... and the people screamed (EEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!)

Then I realized I ate the entire tray of nachos..... so I screamed (EEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!)

And also, we watched that film called 2012.

It was crap.

But all throughout the film we could smell something that seemed to be from a dead animal.
I thought it was part of the movies effects... not just visual, but nasal effects too.

Then when the film was finished and they turned the lights on, we discovered where that awful smell came from... it was from that boy who sat 3 seats away from us. It was because he took his feet off his shoes while watching the film.


EEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!


____________________________________________

I have not done this for a long time.... hence I'd like to bring back the

KRIS JASPER pose.

This was when I was in RiverIsland, trying those things we call jeans.




And another one cause it's free.




And how dare that mayor from Mindanao (allegedly) kill those 50 (+) humans just because he didnt want his political opponents to file their candidacy? I curse him and all those who were involved in that massacre. I curse them all. I hope all bad things will happen to them on the next 13 years. They dont deserve to live. They will all be haunted.

I really hope that in my lifetime, I'll see peace in Mindanao.

And now, on a more serious post, I watched that news when that Filipino won CNN's "Hero of the Year". I admire him for that idea of "mobile library".

Congrats to him; and because of him, I thought of inventing "mobile mirrors" you dont have to go to that wall to check yourself in the mirror, give me a call and I'll bring it in front of you instead. Will any of you nominate me next year please?

And now it's Christmas.... Ive just downloaded 40 songs.


Kris Jasper.

Kris Jasper and the CHRISTMAS 3 YEARS BEFORE EARTH KILLS US.

It's funny that the first breeze of winter seems to be comfortably familiar. Perhaps Ive been cold and lifeless all year so it seems like winter all year round.

Well, I have put up all of my Christmas decors 2 weeks ago. Those at work said "it's too early" but as Ive told them, in the Philippines we start Christmas fest usually on the first of Sept and we take off our decors by Valentines time, if we're not lazy.

Ive seen Philippine TV giant ABSCBN's Christmas station ID for this year:



And here's GMA's Christmas 2009 station ID:




Well, I guess it's obvious which TV station ID has impressed me the most. Im a KAPAMILYA since birth. Charo Santos was my mum's nurse when I was born and Kuya Kim had studied my DNA, so it'll always be ABSCBN for me.

While at Starbucks with my A yesterday, doing something I do best... Observing those things we call human in their habitat, I saw that old person inside the mall. He was so old that I thought I was inside the museum. He looked like he had a pet Dinosaur in his school years. Nah! Not that old, but he looked like he helped Noah built that Ark that had saved few chosen people. Though he looked archived, that old man is my new idol! If that time comes that I look like a walking prune, I will be like that old man... STILL LOOKING GROOVY!

SHame that I havent taken a foto of my 7 days old moustache. Ive just shaved it coz my A didnt like it. Oh well I might grow it again for blogger.com's sake.

AND IT'S THAT FILM CALLED 2012 TOMORROW!!!! I REALLY CANT WAIT! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT FILM MY WHOLE LIFETIME.
My A asked if we could instead watch it on Tuesday because My A will be working all day on Saturday. But I reminded My A that IVE BEEN WAITING TO WATCH THAT FILM EVEN BEFORE I WAS DEPENDENT ON MY PLACENTA!

SO. WE. ARE. WATCHING. IT. TOMORROW.

Then I might start inventing ways to save humankind before 2012 comes.

KRIS JASPER.

Kris Jasper and the Jacket of Hitler

14.00 hours. My A and I went inside that shop called RiverIsland and there I saw him (MJ- Military Jacket). He was calling me, was inviting me to lift him off the rack, feel him, walk towards the counter, pay for him and bag him home.

But it was a bit tight. Next size, Medium's loose. Small was tight. If only there was small and a half then my problem's solved. But no, fashion gods were punishing me... Only because my underwear was blue and my shirt was black that day.

with a heavy heart we moved to TopMan.

1440 hours. TopMan's the store for those who wants to look like expensive trash. This seemingly "trendy" store's unreasonably overpriced for their quality. Ive learnt that the hard way.... Jeans ripped, buttons popped. But that wont stop me from going in... As told, Im an expensive trash.

But TopMan's military jackets look boring. I saw one knitted light gold cardigan that I liked but seems like its buttons were hanging (by a thread). I dont want to waste my £45.00 that way. I tried their blazers, jumpers, etc. But all throughout, my mind was with RiverIsland's MJ.

1520 hrs. GAP was next. But Gap's usually oversized for me. Unfortunately Im not an American obese that Gap usually caters its services... and so we went.

1535 hrs. Debenhams. But Im not yet an impotent elderly... Debenhams are usually for those who were born a decade after the 2nd world war... so again we went.

1550 hours, Selfridges, but I dont want to pay Mr. Diesel £960 for that Winter jacket I liked. Also there's a TopMan inside Selfridges. My A helped me try all of their jackets and sweats but I was not in love to any of them.

My A was getting annoyed. Like an ugly hyena, My A nearly bit my ankle to drag me out of the mall; I could see murder on My A's face. I could just see it on My A's face.

So before my old fashioned life ends on that gloomy and cold Autumn afternoon, I told My A that we're going back to RiverIsland as I could hear that Military jacket calling me, via mental telepathy.

1625 hours.... But we passed by NEXT, You might find it predictable but I saw a black jacket in there that suited me well and the size was just comfy. I was already walking towards the pay section to pay for it but My A said I looked 10 years older than my age in that jacket.

I argued that because it's not what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I was adamant to pay for it... one more step and it would have been mine... that above the knee matrix like greyish black faux leather jacket... Then again, I let other people's comment affect my decision. I turned back, said my goodbyes and put him back on the rack.

1655 hours and 43 seconds. Back in RiverIsland. Good thing I did not swallow any sedatives that day or else I would have collapsed. I was tired, sleepy and heart broken. I felt guilty that I was already holding him but I put him back on the rack. I could only hope for MJ (Military Jacket)'s forgiveness.

And also I hope it's still there.

Alas! He was still in there. I tried him, then I noticed I didnt like the way they stitched the buttons. It was like a letter V. I didnt like it.... I told My A my concern....

Really Annoyed, My A was leading to the Dark Side. I got worried. I paid for that military jacket and took MJ home.

But it's really tight by the biceps area...

:(

Kris Jasper.

Kris Jasper and the High Schools

And that was Tuesday. I was in Bullring waiting for my friend GM when I saw them things called students. I think they're in high school because they looked poor. Well friend GM accompanied me coz I purchased a protector for my phone. Im actually paying £15 per month for this i-phone's insurance, I dont know why I still bothered to look for a protector.

I know Im not a behavioural analyst, but there's no law that will inhibit me from doing it anyway so I studied them things called highschool students. They just reminded me of my own school. Perhaps it was an outing of some sort, but as always, the first in line of them bunch are those noisy, short students. Whatever it is that they lack in vertical length, they definitely compensate via their vocals. These are your usual annoying, loud classmates.

Just one step away from them are the geeks and the nerds. They dont care about the hazards as they probably had risk assessed them in advance so they're in front. Actually these are the people who will be financially successful later in life. They might rake in millions after inventing an anti virus software.

Then 5 steps behind them are the eyecandies, crazy hotties and their jocks, also the crème de la crème. Just to bring any Public Display of Annoying Affection to the maximum level, they're in there. While walking, you'll hear those jocks bully the geeks and and the shorties, while their hot girlfriends smile and bitch at the same time. These are the people whom you think will be saved by sports and waistlines from the sorrows of this world. Very little do they know that their tinywaist will enlarge and they might have more fats than muscles later on... They still do not know that it's actually a person's brain and spirit that will make him successful. And perhaps, they never will discover it as they're either busy bouncing/kicking balls, or unfortunately die at an early age due to anorexia.

Then with them are the sidekicks. They're there to protect their masters. Not too close to be associated with them, but also not too far to be missed. These are the students who probably are mentally wishing that they can play balls like those jocks and actually has a secret crush on those jock's girlfriends (or maybe on the jocks as well).

Then behind them are the losers. The lowest in the ranking, the bottom in school's social heirarchy. They're either too fat, or too thin. They're the weirdos, perhaps your classmates who drools all the time. Them who has that green discharge that comes out of their nasal cavity since you can remember, them who has that foul odour, them who are really quiet and always looking sad but you dont actually care why, Him who talks to himself and sometimes answers himself back... These are the students who might end up working in photocopying machines, or they might just end their life very early. Whatever options they'll go into, I will never know....


Frankly, seeing them actually breaks my heart.


So I left the site and went inside Debenhams to spray Eau de colognes to myself.


Thank you.

Kris Jasper and the 9th SEASON

Just a quick shoutout....


Please be a fan of Krisjasper.com's FaceBook page.
Search for KRIS.JASPER and add as a fan, or write in my page's wall....

I believe in democracy so you can express anything on that wall.
Just dont get too emotional as I might stab you in the eye to slow you down... OK?
The link can also be found there at the side of this site's page.

Also, I enjoyed doing that "Prof Kris Jasper Lecturing" app, so if you have any questions that you think, you think those encyclopaedias and "pretend knowledge sites" cannot truthfully and factually explain,
or you think they are hiding what your paranoid mind(s) believed to be real,
do NOT hesitate to e-mail me your questions and I will travel the 8 dimensions of the Universe to bring you knowledge that only superior civilizations share.

Ask me anything, like "what killed those dinosaurs?", or "why farts smell?", or "why do mushrooms and penises look alike?".... Just email your questions via earth2kj@krisjasper.com. Coz I believe that sharing KJ's knowledge IS POWER!

And lastly, it's this site's second anniversary this month.... I dont have fancy surprises, no gimmicks...
Just an assurance that I will never leave this site.
Hopefully you wont leave it too.

WHO WOULD THINK IN 2007 THAT THIS SITE WILL STAY THAT LONG?


KRIS JASPER.


Oh well, I know that anything that are associated with me stays long or are long anyway.

Goodbye.

xxx