Kris Jasper and the Autograph signers

There was a reason why I played that lullaby in my site. I needed to rest. I wanted to sleep.

During those days that I was absent from blogworld, I lived my life the way Ive always wanted it to be.

EMPTY.

And on one of those empty days that I tried to survive emotionally, I wore my black and coloured stripes TopMan shirt and dark grey trousers that Ive folded like cropped. This week had been very warm, and to wear jeans and long trousers is like committing parricide, cause
to kill sperm is parricide.



My A said that what I have been publishing in here is getting shallower, and Im superficial and lacking depth. It is just ridiculous that it took my A six years to realize that.

But on contrary, if you want gravity of seriousness and emotional profundity, I'll give you this:

The Essence of a Blogger.

"The origin of this site is a blogger and is a human. A human is one who shows a reader what love, sharing and caring is all about. This is the essence of a blogger."

(Thank you Sushmita for that).

As a blogger I wish:

• for Gloria to be satisfied and contented with what she had kept in her own personal bank account, I meant what she had contributed to RP's history (which unfortunately is more debt, unfinished projects, unfinished railways, how to be a bitch and be a poor role model to today's youth).
• For Hayden to sort out Gloria Arroyo's breast implants (if the rumours are true), then they can dance together. Can you imagine Gloria wiping Hayden's sweats? SWEET.
• For RP's congressman and senators (and all politicians for that matter) to have waistline limit. Discipline starts in one's self.
• for the Filipinos to truly elect somebody who deserves to be in Malacanang, someone who truly cares and has the knowledge to change the system.
• For Hayden to be buttfucked by a horse and in effect, that video to be dispersed internationally. This is the only way his victims can get even with him.
• For people to be ready for 21.12.2012.
• For Andy Murray to win Wimbledon 2009.

And there!

Hang on, to add more seriousness in today's post, here's Andy Murray signing autographs.

And me signing autographs too!

(nearly 800 followers in twitter, nearly 40,000 site hits. If Im not a celebrity, I dont know what to call myself)

BOO!

Kris Jasper.

Kris Jasper and the Druggie from the Orient

Today is no different from my previous days.

I was looking forward to a gloomy and wet sunday as promised by AOL but I was greeted today by a warm and sunny sky.

It is just unfortunate that as the majority of UK's West Midlands' inhabitants are enjoying the sun, I hid inside my apartment, protected myself from skin cancer and from getting tanned, and from those humans who look ludicrous in tight sleeveless shirts, exposing their humongous arms, competing with their monstrous chests. These people I find hard to trust. It's either they're blind, or deluded. And whoever thinks that frying themselves under a warm sun is ok, must have an impeded or delayed mental growth.

But I wont let this weather beat me. Oh no, I've had 14 hours to change this world. So after taking those tablets that can help me feel better, I stopped from committing homicide and got myself ready, where else but to the gym. The gym which is abundant with steroid pumped individuals, gay or not.

Just like before, on those 2 hours I jumped, ran, hiked, drank, chatted, sweated, bled, mentally murdered some annoying gym goers.

Then one skinny, innocent looking white guy asked me if Im CHINESE?(No.)

• JAPANESE? (No.)
• VIETNAMESE? (No.)

From where are you then?, he asked.

Im from Fuji, I said.

Oh! he said.

• Do you smoke? he asked. (No.)
• Do you grow? he asked. (Again, no)

Do I look like a drug pusher?

I smiled back at him, while stopping myself from slashing him and tearing his abdomen with my claws.

I thought I should just be happy cause looking like a drug dependent individual is better than being mistaken as a DVD pirate, I guess.

I really really thought my life was complete until I purchased that white Starbucks mug.

Also this week I watched :

• Transformers 2 (in Cineworld)
• Role Models (DVD)
• Beverly Hills Chihuahua (DVD)

Dont hate me.

Kris Jasper.

WHERE WILL YOU BE ON 21.12.2012?

Kris Jasper and the Adventures of Dora the Rat and Amoeba the Spider.

I Blended My Bestfriend.
(story for children aged 4-5)

Once upon a time, there lived a rat named Dora.

Dora the rat is sad, first because she looks like a rat (because she's a rat) and also because she had an abortion and she's feeling guilty about it.

Day and night, Dora the rat has been praying to the gods to give her a new friend because she's sad (because she's a rat and she had an abortion).


After 2 days, which is like 2months in the rat kingdom, Dora the Rat met Amoeba the Spider.

Amoeba the spider might just be an ordinary spider but she has many extra ordinary qualities. I think that's because she has many hands so she can obviously do more.

Dora the Rat and Amoeba the Spider became BFF immediately.

• They play all morning.

• They cuddle all night.

• They watch Hayden every night secretly videotaping his performance with differently girls LIVE (I forgot to tell you that they live in Hayden's room).

• They also swallowed some E Tablets dropped from Katrina's pockets and that made them high. They'll dance with Hayden and Katrina then (look closely to those videos coz you'll see a rat and a spider in there)

There are times when Amoeba the Spider is tempted to cover Dora the Rat with her web and suck her body juicies until she drains up and die but as she's her new bestfriend, she opted to eat those insects in the garden instead.

One day Dora the Rat asked Amoeba the Spider if she has kids and husbands, Amoeba told Dora that she doesn't need husbands cause she has eight hands to make her reach the big O (parents, please explain to your kids why).

Dora got jealoused. She's not just a murderer (history of abortion, remember?), she also has an envious mind (2 out of 7 cardinal sins, she'll definitely go straight to hell).

So one day, Dora the rat asked Amoeba the Spider if she wants to play hide and seek with her. As Amoeba's a bit of a retard she said yes.

Amoeba the Spider hid inside the blender.

Dora the Rat took her chance.

Dora the Rat turned it to the maximum level.

10 seconds later Amoeba the Spider's gone.

She's practically liquid.

She's now a brown slimey spunk.

Liquid.

Brownish.

Slimey.

Spunk.

At first Dora the Rat was glad. Amoeba is no longer there, though Dora wished she saved Amoeba's eight hands so that she can have an orgy with them but never mind, she's all liquid now.

Jealousy does poison some living things' minds.

But later, Dora feels empty again.

Again, she has no friend.

All because of jealousy.

So Dora the Rat hanged herself and died.

The End.

Moral of the story:

Dont live with Hayden coz he'll poison your mind.

There! I hope your kids, nieces and nephews will enjoy reading that, will find it informative and fun.

KJ.

Kris Jasper and The Next Post.

A Sad Love Story

Featuring:

Dora the Rat

and

Amoeba the Spider.

World Premiere: 23.JUNE.2009

Kris Jasper and the Epiphany of Andre the Giant.

And it's just 190 days to Christmas 2009 AD.

No pressures in there. Im hoping that my friends and associates are reading this, they dont have to ask me what I want for Christmas 2009 then.

Aside from world peace, I just want knives.



Today, I woke up blank and bland. I was on the phone talking to my A just before midnight. Then I did some work related research until 1am. The TV's on so I watched it until 4am, jumped channels from Hollywood to v*ginas, to some shits. Then I noticed that the sun's up, so I moved my arse to my room and closed my eyes.

Closing my eyes didnt actually bring me to dreamland. I really cant sleep alone. So I took some Decolgen and it helped.

I had an appointment with my doctor this morning, so I had to wake up early. My doctor's really moody. Sometimes she's nice, sometimes she just couldnt be bothered with whatever I say. Like I might tell her that my tongue's blocking my airway and she will just pull my tongue out with a tweezer and prescribe me paracetamol without making eye contact.
And we dont want that to happen.
So at 850am I dragged my feet into her clinic. Unfortunately the receptionist (who's nice) has told me that my appointment is at 950am. I dont know how I messed that up, but that's fine. I only live across the road anyway so I just informed the receptionist (who looks like she was one of those Afghan freedom fighters, but she's nice) that I'll just come back after an hour.

Much later I just found myself in the gym. As always it's boring. Gym's not the same since _______ left. Anyway, I saw Shrek in there. Oh wait, it was someone who looks like Shrek, but was not really him. Boy,that man has tits that seem alive. He must have been kicking the gym since he was 5, or perhaps when he was still inside his mum's uterus. He probably had used her ribcage as a pole, grasped it and lifted his fetal body up and down.
Or maybe his mum has been feeding him milk with steroids and protein shake when he was younger.

As I lifted some weights to tone my chest and to attempt to pass out, he asked if we could use the machine in alternate. Half of me is saying "NO coz you look scary and you might eat me when no one's watching",
while the other half said "Just say YES coz he might get annoyed and eat you".

Unfortunately whatever my response would be, seemed like I'd end up inside his gut anyway. So with sweat on my forehead, tears in my eyes, blood in my penis and shit in my ass, I worked out with him.

He was nice actually. Looks scary, like an ogre, but nice. See my dear readers, that's one proof why you should never judge a person's character via his appearance. I hope you have all learned your lessons now. As his new friend I wanted to tell him not to pump more iron coz he might explode, but I was afraid he might eat me if I say that so I kept quiet instead.





On a more positive surface, here's a new feature of this site:

SHOW AND TELL.

The last time I had a señorita banana would proly be 6 years ago. I found them in one of those chinese stores in the city and bought them for 90 pence.

Look at how small those bananas are compared to a normal sized pen.

And Im currently watching "The 40 year Old Virgin" (dvd) while updating this site.

My social life seems dead this week. And the weather's not really supporting any outdoor actions; plus My A is away, so this week Im living the life of a celibate whore.

Boo.

Kris Jasper.