KRIS JASPER

Had 7.5 hours work this evening, went home, met A, talked with A, argued with A,

(slapped A, spat on A, punched A, smashed dining chair to A, got a knife and stabbed A, butchered and freeze A.... but these things are lamentably all just my imagination... but either way I'm savouring it).

What actually happened was:
A- went to sleep,
KJ- thought he could sleep without any chemical help but he couldnt (Im glad I have killed my spirit decades ago and have seen no meaning in arguing), so here I am updating my blog while switching channels: (122) Sexcetera at Virgin channel, (124) Porn Week at Bravo, (327) Dangerous Passions @ Movies 24 and (509) FOXNEWS.



A is actually travelling to _______ on Monday and will be away for 5 days, so I'll be home alone. Just another blow that A is throwing at me.


At first, I had no clue on what to write this Saturday morning, til I realized what I could contribute to the survival of human's existence. As always it will be an impudent self-importance, honest, self-deploring, a distinctive krisjasper.com's advice.



Here's another set of advice that everybody likes to read but no one actually dares to follow:


6 WAYS TO ATTRACT ATTENTION



1.USE YOUR MOBILE. When surrounded by other people, classmates, workmates, public, etc... Text "Hi! How are you?" to every contact numbers in your mobilephone. If some reply back, then that is good news coz you'll have someone to text with for that time. People surrounding you will think that you are popular and have a lot of friends. Your only problem is if no one made an effort to text you back. But hold on, dont use that gun yet... BRING THAT PHONE TOWARDS YOUR EAR AND PRETEND TO TALK TO SOMEONE ON THE PHONE. You'll look not just professional, but also very "important".

Unfortunately some people has no friends and the only numbers they have in their phone are the numbers of the police, and perhaps some phonesex hotline. If you're like them...
then go ahead... shoot yourself.



2. PRETEND YOU HAVE A COMPLICATED DISEASE. Strange? nah... Surprisingly if we are in a party, we're always curious about people's misfortunes and illnesses. Admit it, wont you say "oh!!! " if you hear your seatmate saying "I have meningococcal meningitis"? Say anything that ends in "tis", they dont have to be in the Medical textbook (unlucky if a doctor hears you though) and also be careful you dont say you have "hemmorhoids" or "halitosis".


3. WEAR INAPPROPRIATE CLOTHES. If you go to the beach, wear high heels and long gown. Attend a formal party by wearing just your underwear. You will surely attract attention by these. Just be careful with what you expose though.. People might think that your large arms are your sagging boobs hanging exposed. If you want respect: just flaunt it only when you have it. If you dont want to be respected: flaunt it when you dont have it.
C'mon, life is short... make yours shorter by letting other people murder you.


4. SELF INDUCED GOSSIPING. Start a gossip involving your own pathetic self (plus any losers who'll fall as your victim). Be careful that you are not attributed to as a deluded, attention seeker, ugly, fat woman/man. Unfortunately coz you have a sad life and no one listened, go to wherever there is a herd and say you are sick and annoyed of always being the "subject of gossip" even though you know very well that:
1. no one has started it but you,
2. no one bought it coz no one's interested.

Maybe people will be more interested if you:
*declare you have had your sex changed;
*explain why you have an adam's apple even you're a girl(?);
*talk about how many abortions you've had in the past;
*expose why you have a vagina even you're a boy;
*expound how come you're still alive after 8 suicides
(try it again, maybe you're a cat and you'll succeed this time)


5. TALK LOUD. Obviously, the louder you speak the more attention you'll gain. Is it attention you want? Why not try what these pastors do in public places? SHOUT! Talk about miracles, personal experiences and wonders. Who knows, even you have a boring, empty life you might convert some people and start your own religion.


6. START YOUR OWN BLOG. Start writing about your life. pretend you care about this planet and all species that thrive in it. Write about anyone that annoys you on that specific moment, destroy their lives; publish photos of what you wore, tablets you swallow and foods you cooked and ate.

This is Kris Jasper actually talking...

To plod under the weight of a burden is living life in the edge of apathy and indifference.
If I have learnt one lesson this week, that is to NOT think that a person smiling at you,
is ok with you.
I am actually hoping that after all these rains, my sun will shine again; if only these clouds will give me the chance.