KRIS JASPER

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money,
find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

That is from a song I've seen a video of in E4.

It's 2:50am, Friday morning.

I have been reminding my eyes that they worked hard all night last night, and if they want to have a break and sleep for a bit I'd let them; but they are so hard headed... So here we are... AWAKE!

Anyway, at 930 am yesterday I walked to the gym. It wasnt nice, haven't slept a wink and I wasnt rationalizing well. What was i thinking? Oh yeah, suicidal!

I swore that after 25 mins of using crosstrainers, I felt like floating and I saw this tunnel of light; and I had a glimpse of gates: opening! That wasnt right. They shouldnt open the gates yet, a burglar might enter it! But before I could open my mouth to shout "Hey! somebody left the gates open!", I think I snapped back to reality.

I looked around and most people in there looked like hairy cows.

Good.

Im definitely awake and my sense's back in the gym!

But my chaos did not stop there. Two gorillas used the machine in front of me.

Damn it, that's it. With their foul and hazardous smell (and I still have 5 mins left to finish my set distance so I really didnt want to walk away), I thought and wished I have selective smelling. I am not a religious person, but during that time I closed my eyes and sincerely prayed for my brain to be stronger and for my nose to be a snub. All I needed was 5 minutes.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end.

Again, that's from that song I've heard and seen in E4.

Also, A's back later after lunch. Im back to slavery. I will be full of fake smiles with A's name written all over it. The past 5 days had taught me 2 very important lessons in life:

1. The more you try to discover yourself, the more you'll know "what you are not".
2. When doing laundry: Always, always separate your whites from coloured shirts.

I deluded myself into believing that I am a very independent 24 year-old specie. That I can tackle anything on my own. But what I recently realized is that I can be lazy, and actually at times (?) is a parasite. That my over confidence must have been the fake highs my tablets give me. A's absence made me an important loyal customer of McDonalds coz I'm lazy to cook this week. I am so lazy to do anything that even that process of inhaling air is an effort for me.

Also, I accepted the fact that I am actually not 24 years old.





I am 24 and 1/2. ☺




Later on tonight, we'll catch the 6pm train to London. I have a test to take on Saturday (part of my US immigration dollaly). After 3 months of being in UK again, I really lost interest with living in the US, but because I paid for this test 3 months ago and A's pestering me, so what the heck.