HEAR, SEE, SPEAK NO EVIL.

Thanks ladies, for letting me take this photo and for always visiting my site.


Yesterday was Tuesday, and as if waking up to a gloomy day wasnt enough, I had to go to Barclays Bank in W_st Br_mwich Town Centre to withdraw the Nursing Home's petty cash. I hate WB's town centre. Walking WB's streets makes me feel like I'm going to be attacked, murdered and killed anytime. That town centre always smells blood and trouble, and is wandered by scruffy, freaking people. Maybe boss wanted me to die that's why she asked me to go there.

For me to survive that jungle, I blended in well with those locals while I was in their habitat.
1. I didnt use my music player (just in case it'll be seen and stolen)
2. I kept the Nursing Home's money safely inside my bag
3. I didnt smile (they might think I'm a prostitute and looking for a mid-day customer)

Then after eight hours I was back into my apartment. My apartment that can be currently described as my fucking grave. It is dark, cold, silent, lifeless.... A is still not home, I am still alone.... I am deluded to the fact that my life is better with A's absence but the weird smiles I have been masking for the last 2 days were just results of the tablets I have been swallowing.

I am yin and A is my yang.




Being alone gives me a big blow in my ego, it doesnt feel great.

I miss A.

I tried my hardest, but it didnt work. I couldnt sleep. I even pretended I'm dead, but no effect. I was gazing at the clock until the short hand was at 4. So at 5am, I went to our kitchen, gurgled bong water, opened the cupboard, and swallowed ______.

Then at 7 am I was awake.

Just a flippin' two hours?

I have been deceived..

Then also today, I went to the gym. And again I saw _____.
And why is it that we just glance now? It was better before at least we smile briefly to each other and I could see ____'s orals. I just need courage to say "Hello! I'm Kris Jasper and my apartment is free."

Later, after 2 hours when I had enough, I went out, checked my phone, had 3 missed calls and 6 msgs. I pretended to be social and got back to them.

2 more nights til I see A again. Here's my open letter to A:

Dear A,

Are you reading me? I have realized how important your presence is to my sanity.

I dont want you to be shocked when you get home but since Monday I have not been eating, have turned manorexic, have not been shaving, have no hope to continue living.

That is me, look at how 60 hours of your absence had changed me.

I feel empty and helpless. I hope you feel my pain.

Dear Lord, I need more strength.

p.s.

Also, it - was - an - accident but I have ruined some of your shirts coz I didnt bother to separate the whites from coloured's.