KRIS JASPER

And yesterday was Tuesday...

And I had a maximum dose of Paracetamol 500mg/tab (2 tabs qds).

And today is Wednesday.

And it is 1:43 am.

And I had a good one hour sleep.

And I will try again later, pretend I dont really need help. I will attempt to shut my innocent, sweet looking little eyes again; pretend I really need to sleep; remind my brain that he needs rest and let the subconscious run the system for at least 5 hours. A bit of snoring will be a bonus.

Once the sun goes up and I am still wide awake, I will definitely go back in the kitchen and swallow some aid. It probably would be painful for me emotionally, but that's the only way.

Two things instigated this:

1. _____________ of Fitness First has left!
I went into that ex-fascinating gym early yesterday morning, feeling the usual grief and sadness, and usually I feel this urge to terminate my existence together with the calories I burn; the only tiny glimpse of hope I have is looking at _______________'s clinic (as ______________'s a Sports Therapist). Praying that ___________ would come out and we accidentally glance at each other; hoping that we remember that we are married cockroaches in our past life.

But now, Who will inspire me now? Who will I glance at now that ________________'s clinic is empty? _____________ is gone. And ________'s departure has left a hole in my heart. Which is actually good because there was no hole in there and now that there is, my blood can now penetrate my heart. Maybe that will give me a "sense of emotion"... Maybe that will make me human.

2. Hills have eyes.
I was in a tram this evening and there was one man in there whose head was turned to his left but both his eyes were to his right, directly looking at me! I dont know if he was smiling, but Im sure I saw some of his teeth between his chapped, dry lips. And was it saliva that I saw? Was he drooling? Oh em gee! Can you imagine a vulture? Only that this vulture is old, has two hands, two legs, maybe has a small wrinkly dick, is wearing clothes, riding a tram and sitting in front of me, drooling?

For reasons too complicated for me to understand, them 2 caused my insomnia. And here I am in this cold, wintery night, sitting, awake, typing this poor, pathetic post for my global readers. Envious of A's deep sleep, listening to A's snore.
A is having a fucking blast in dolaly land...
I actually feel sorry for A coz in about 3 hours and 22 minutes time "A" will wake up again... That fantastic dream and short happiness A had while sleeping will be forgotten, and instead A (and everyone else who had slept tonight for that matter) will begin to deal with a difficult fact of life...

That their brain is fucking idle, meaningless, boring, and would like to do nothing at night time.

I know I am stronger than this, but at this point I give up.