KRIS JASPER

So I have been busy.
I just got back from the gym and I saw an old naked man, and he looked like a fetus.
Gym is boring, I cannot write in here that it's boring because _______ is no longer in there. And A is not happy with what I have written last week, that tribute I gave ______.
I cannot write in here that the dagger is still deeply embedded in my heart coz of ___________'s absence.
I cannot write them.

Also I have been at work last Thursday, then Friday. I cannot remember what I have done at work, but for the sake of my employers that might be reading this I should write in here that I worked so HARD. sigh...

I worked so hard.. sigh...

I worked ever so hard.. sigh...

And for the fact that we, I meant, I had worked so hard, I had to insert in my compressed, busy work time that social chat I had with the staff. And we talked about other people's life coz that made us feel good. Knowing other people's misery is actually good coz that teaches you to be sympathetic. I occasionally had to say "awww" and sometimes "never..." or " shame...." or "you dont deserve that..."

Not that I meant what I said, I dont know why I mumbled them anyway... But it's my job to be social to those staff. And as a Christian I have to be sympathetic. But dont ask me what we talked about yesterday coz I dont remember; during those times I was looking at my reflection in the mirror. At least I sat with them in their habitat, and that's what matters.

But I think we talked about

- exotic animals we have eaten
- staff CS explained why I am vain
- me pretending to listen to staff CS even though my fucking brain is yawning
- why I put some of them to work Christmas and New Year
- my real age
- who should win the X Factor
- my real weight
- why is it not snowing this month
- why we like it to snow
- why we dont want it to snow
- then we realize it's because of people like us why God cannot decide whether to give us snow or not, coz we cannot make up our freaking minds.

Also psychoticsologist had told me that he can easily determine if I am not serious/ tell lies when talking coz he said he noticed that:

a. I try to maintain a serious face while talking
b. I lower the tone of my voice
c. I grit my teeth

Damn! I always do pranks at work, and I now have to change the way I talk. Unfortunately I am currently being studied, or am I being stalked?

And my mind is not working well. It has not, and will never be. But still, on this season I have to think about other people's state, NOT JUST MINE. I am not vain, I also worry about billions of people who will and have suffered hunger. The pains and traumas other people had experienced. And with the impending global economic recession, unfortunately more people will suffer. More people will be in need. More of us will desire. More of us will fall into performing desperate measures.

Questions for spiritual survival:

WHY?

Why do we have to suffer?

Why is there hunger in this world?

In our darkest hour

In my deepest despair

Will you still care? Will you be there?

Will there be peace on earth?

And will it begin with me?

Should I wear my belt with its end tucked in my jeans?





Should I wear belt with its end freely hanging?


Or should I even bother to wear belt?