KRIS JASPER

Our tree has only silvers as decors, no other colours. And there you see Husky guarding my first 3 gifts of the season.

You might hate me for writing this, not that I care. These are writings of a man who had survived trials and difficulties, you are very lucky I am sharing these things with you.
I have told you advices how to hold on to your relationships and how to be popular; now as part of the series, I just would like to give another set of advice, advices that you like to read but hesitant to follow.

HOW TO GIVE MEANING TO YOUR OTHERWISE MEANINGLESS CHRISTMAS.

It's this time of the year again where we have to pretend that we are all friends. We walk with a painted smile on our face even though our heart is dying and our emotions are as dark as Halloween. But just because you are the lowest creature and may not be a valued member of society, you can still pretend you are glad that this season has come and you can, at least for a month, halt that bleed in your heart.

BUY YOURSELF THAT GIFT. Imagine if January comes and you still have not received that precious thing you're dying for since 2008 started. If it is something expensive, go buy it yourself! With this economic crisis pallovahs, do you think your neighbour will buy it for you? It is survival of the fittest these days. But then again, why buy an expensive gift? Just because it is expensive that doesnt mean it will make you happy. Just buy 10 paracetamol tablets and overdose yourself on the morning of Dec 24. Then if you survive, your family and friends will be all around you... caring for you, then you can all have an instant Noche Buena in the hospital. That is if you survive.

LEARN HOW TO COOK/BAKE. You might be lucky, if you'll learn how to cook like Jamie Oliver or Nora Daza . You can impress other people if you know how to mix leaves with dough and throw them in the oven. If you are flattered, you are happy. Do the math. Also, you can create a concoction for mass murder. Why be the only person who is sad this season? Share your misery.

BE EMOTIONALLY DEAD. Let's face it, the less expectations you will have with your life, the less disappointed you'll get if things turn out not the way you want them to be. So this Christmas, instead of asking your boyfriend for that Diamond ring, might as well ask him to buy you a loaf of bread. At the end of the freaking day, you cannot eat Diamonds, but you can eat bread. (I know some of you will say "but you can sell Diamonds"... please go away, you have not develop your cognitive ability yet... WHO WILL BUY DIAMONDS NOW THAT WE HAVE GLOBAL ECONOMIC CRISIS? HELLOOOO!!!!). So if you are emotionally dead, things like that will not affect you. Start now, the earlier you become spiritually numb, the better for your existence.

This is KrisJasper actually asking:

If women are from Venus, why dont they stay there?
________________________________________

As A is a physiotherapist, I always have the luxury of getting my body massaged on nights that I have been a good boy. I think A forgets that I also am part of medical team and that reverse psychobabble doesnt usually work to me.

If I want one, I'll have one!
Unfortunately, if A wont give me one, I wont get one....

so I have to be nice.


Last Sunday, I worked all day... so except for the fact that I have eaten, poopooed and urinated, there's nothing exciting that I can share with you. Oh, here's the photo that staff VL took while we were in the tram station:




There you can see that I have added another way on how to terminate life.
That's by sitting on tram/train tracks.

But I cannot do that yet, it's Christmas time and I have to receive my gifts first.

Then I went home, swallowed Valium and instantaneously it's Monday. And (because I am pathetic) on that Monday I wore my pink TopMan longsleeved shirt, TopMan jumper, A/X jeans, CK red boxershorts, TopMan rosary (there, it's around my neck), M&S hanky, plain white socks I bought nearly 2 years ago, those whiteshoes that A gave me last January, and if you insert your hand in my pocket, there is £10 in there.

And on that Monday I went to the city centre with staff MW. She wanted to buy her parents some stuffs for Xmas, and I think I knew where to get them. Also I was looking for some gifts for A (A is reading this so A, please dont get your hopes too high... the lower you expect, the less disappointed you'll get... THINK OF CREDIT CRUNCH).

Then at 830pm, I met A at train station. A went to Loughborough for the day. A texted me "I mis u" nearly 20x yesterday. I texted back "I know" nearly 20x too. A has not given me a massage last Sunday night so A is not that fucking great to be loved back yesterday (I know I am a brat and a bit of a cunt).

Then today is Tuesday. I went to work with grey trousers, black shoes and black shirt and black jumper. I have refused to check the CPU under the office table coz boss will find that I am wearing stripes green and white boxers if I bend over. For boss it is a crime. She said the colour of your underwear should be the same (or at least near the shade) of the shirt you wear. So I didnt bother to take photos of me today as I feel dirty. I am wearing green underwear and black topshirt.

sigh......

It's a miracle that I have finished my shift.

A said I should go to chinatown tomorrow to have my haircut. I reminded A that:

1. these are my hairs and they are my responsibility.

2. I reminded A that I want to be the 4th member of Jonas brothers (you know those kids with long hairs?) so why bother?

3. And I reminded A that there's a marathon of Rugrats in Nickelodeon tomorrow, so I'll be on my bed watching them.

A REMINDED ME TO GROW UP.

And it was last Wednesday when A brought me back to the German Fair; I had eaten chestnuts, and that's about it. But hang on, A treated me to a Portuguese Resto/meal, which basically was grilled chicken with some weird Mediterranean spicy seasonings,spicy chicken liver, corn, olives, potatoes and a bottomless Coke. I reminded A that we could have prepared the meal ourselves coz all of them ingredients are in the apartment.

Then we watched "TEETH".
I usually cover my eyes if I watch horror films, but with that film I laughed from start til finish.

Imagine a lady with shark's teeth in her vagina (oh sorry, for the underaged I should call it "privates"). She couldnt "make love" coz her vagi.. err, "privates" might bite the man's penis (oh sorry, I should have called it "thingy").

Again, again, again....

She couldn't "make love" coz her "private" might bite and cut "man's thingy".

I laughed out all throughout the film.
But then, that actually has made me think these:

1. If you have teeth in your "privates", are you going to brush them at least 3 times a day too?
Will you floss them? Will you take them and show them to your dentist if they need tooth filling? Is there a chance that wisdom teeth will grow in there too?

2. If those teeth are in your anus, will you do the same?

3. If you have diarrhea, do you think anti-diarrheal tablets will work quicker if you insert it in your ass instead of swallowing them orally?

hmmmm..... What do you think?

I am now wearing size 30. (from 34 last year, ahem.)

Then Thursday was when my sister called me to say she's in Amsterdam for the day. She's actually in St. MArtens now. I miss my sis.

And yesterday was Tuesday...

And I had a maximum dose of Paracetamol 500mg/tab (2 tabs qds).

And today is Wednesday.

And it is 1:43 am.

And I had a good one hour sleep.

And I will try again later, pretend I dont really need help. I will attempt to shut my innocent, sweet looking little eyes again; pretend I really need to sleep; remind my brain that he needs rest and let the subconscious run the system for at least 5 hours. A bit of snoring will be a bonus.

Once the sun goes up and I am still wide awake, I will definitely go back in the kitchen and swallow some aid. It probably would be painful for me emotionally, but that's the only way.

Two things instigated this:

1. _____________ of Fitness First has left!
I went into that ex-fascinating gym early yesterday morning, feeling the usual grief and sadness, and usually I feel this urge to terminate my existence together with the calories I burn; the only tiny glimpse of hope I have is looking at _______________'s clinic (as ______________'s a Sports Therapist). Praying that ___________ would come out and we accidentally glance at each other; hoping that we remember that we are married cockroaches in our past life.

But now, Who will inspire me now? Who will I glance at now that ________________'s clinic is empty? _____________ is gone. And ________'s departure has left a hole in my heart. Which is actually good because there was no hole in there and now that there is, my blood can now penetrate my heart. Maybe that will give me a "sense of emotion"... Maybe that will make me human.

2. Hills have eyes.
I was in a tram this evening and there was one man in there whose head was turned to his left but both his eyes were to his right, directly looking at me! I dont know if he was smiling, but Im sure I saw some of his teeth between his chapped, dry lips. And was it saliva that I saw? Was he drooling? Oh em gee! Can you imagine a vulture? Only that this vulture is old, has two hands, two legs, maybe has a small wrinkly dick, is wearing clothes, riding a tram and sitting in front of me, drooling?

For reasons too complicated for me to understand, them 2 caused my insomnia. And here I am in this cold, wintery night, sitting, awake, typing this poor, pathetic post for my global readers. Envious of A's deep sleep, listening to A's snore.
A is having a fucking blast in dolaly land...
I actually feel sorry for A coz in about 3 hours and 22 minutes time "A" will wake up again... That fantastic dream and short happiness A had while sleeping will be forgotten, and instead A (and everyone else who had slept tonight for that matter) will begin to deal with a difficult fact of life...

That their brain is fucking idle, meaningless, boring, and would like to do nothing at night time.

I know I am stronger than this, but at this point I give up.

So it was Saturday,

I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, I couldn't eat.

I was not sick, it was actually a normal day for me. I just couldn't be bothered to move, why should I? It was freaking freezing! So like a snake, I thought of hibernating (It's almost winter anyway).

Which is fine with me, I was brought up sloth and idle.

Not that I'm moaning really, I will never challenge my parent's parenthood skills.

I have been quiet last week. Each second has been a disappointment, each moment is like being kicked in the ass, each minute feels like someone has been spitting on my face, each time I wake up is like a breath flushed in the toilet. I hate winter, but what can I do, it's something that this world has to experience even before I existed, I just hope this world will change it's mind next year.
Why cant I have Spring, then Summer, then another Summer, then Autumn, then Spring?
CAn somebody please tell me how to train the weather...

Winter re-inforces my forced existence. I just couldn't be bothered with anything, neither can my heart feel a thing. Being at work for 9 days straight hasn't helped as well. So I maintained my silence before I offended anyone. I treated everyone as my enemy, I imagined I am a monk and I have no friends.

I was a person who didn't trust anyone, not even A. I couldnt eat A's cooking as I might be poisoned, I couldn't sleep beside A as A might strangle me, I couldn't even trust my medications as A could have swapped them with poisons. Everyone was my enemy, I could only trust one thing, and that was the mirror in the Nursing Home. Because in that mirror, everytime I look on it I only SEE ONE gorgeous, innocent being....


ME. (ahem)

I reckoned if I maintain my stillness, my fortune would change. I refrained from talking to people who claimed they "love life"... If they love life so much I can always give them mine.
I stopped giving to charity last week; as Charity begins in me, so I donated my money to my own personal account instead... I was a person who did not practice chastity (I never did anyway, but for the sake of this post I typed that). I held back myself from talking to people who appears to have enjoyed life. They are dangerous: they have passed infancy, had learned to walk, maybe had finished school, maybe is working... But they have not developed the sense of judgement and reasoning. I spent more time with people who are like me... Sedative Dependents.

Last week, I became a person who lived life opposite to what is norm (WAIT A MINUTE. SO MUCH WITH THIS DRAMA.... IT's NOT ONLY LAST WEEK... I HAVE BEEN LIVING LIKE THAT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SPAN!).

If I can only give an advice.. an advice that all of you naive people will follow, this will be it:

Everyday that passes is a new low, you might undergo it with truimph, but you will again face another set of 24 hours after conquering the previous 23. And in this battle, it is absolutely necessary to consider who you fight it with. Never trust anyone, as they might be fighting for you, in front of you but when you are not looking they might stab your back with a sword incubated with tetanus. No one in this world is meant to be well. And that doesnt count you out.

Never delude yourself that in this lifetime you had a blast, because that 45 minutes of euphoria you had yesterday is just a compensation for your lifetime's worth of misery.

And yesterday was Sunday. and on that Sunday I was a thug.

On that Sunday, as I had Auditory Ossicles ache so I swallowed 4tabs of 500mg Mefenamic Acid, 2 tabs of 200mg Ibuprofen and in the evening I had 4 tabs of 500mg Paracetamol. Obviously all of them were taken separately and not altogether. I still care for my liver. I took Mefenamic at 2pm, Ibuprofen at 6pm, and Paracetamol at 10pm.
See, I do follow the 4 hourly freaking thingy. And I waited for 6 hours before I swallowed my sedative. I'm such a good boy.



(I actually did not have the time to sculpt my hair with a hairgum so I covered it with a hood). Look at me down there... it's me, not Sam Concepcion:




And today's Monday. After 2 hours sleep, I transformed back to the old me... The old me who likes life, I like life so much that I want it to finger me.

And I will be looking forward to Wednesday. A wants to be useful and A will take me to the movies. I like A so much that I want A to...

My Life when Alone.

I dont think I'll be doing another of that again...

I dont know why I posted these photos.... Think of photos being worth as thousand words...

Oh well, there are two videos down there...




We had white sausages for that night...

THIS IS THE REASON WHY I GO BACK THERE REGULARLY!

(chocolate covered fruits)

This is when I positioned my cam everywhere... the outcome is this...

HAY YOU GUISE!

I KNOW, I KNOW... and I apologize.... Let's forget the past coz Im here now...

Anyway, it was last Friday when A thought what a brilliant idea it would be to take me to the German Market.

And even though I'm always associating Germans to World War and Hitler, even though Cela m'a donné froid dans le dos (french: sent shiver down my spine), not because Germans have long noses but because they have scary accent that I cant understand, I still did go with A...

We stayed in that fair for a good 4 hours (and spent half of it arguing coz A thought it's inappropriate for me to buy a toy; I think A is Hitler's descendant)... We still enjoyed it.

What toy? (as some of you had asked in the comments thingy... it's something that witches prick when they attempt to kill someone... sigh... Not a big thing, ryt?)

A had chestnuts, sausages, chocolate covered banana...

I only had water (and pill). It was self induced starvation because I was not allowed to buy a toy.

That water was bottled not even in Germany but somewhere in Scotland. But I still loved it. Im sure that water had passed by the mountains of Germany before scooped in Scotland and bottled... I could taste Germany in it.

And I'm starting to think I have German blood... yes that is true.

My aunt had lived in Germany for more than 30 years and she has German passport and has a condominium in there...

If she's my Dad's sister, and she's German....

THAT MEANS I'M GERMAN TOO!?

"Wie geht es Ihnen?"

(how are you?)

If my site is to teach you one thing, that is to not take life seriously... We all might die in 2012 anyway, so why bother?

As I have nothing better (else) to offer, here's my "7 super exciting days" video that commenced last Sunday.

sorry for mark 1:47+

This is Kris Jasper actually talking:

I lost the enthusiasm in writing. And I'm not happy with that. But I am enjoying this video blogging at the moment... It's another step towards high level prostitution.

I'm sorry if I caused anyone to yawn from the 2 minute mark.

I went to that training this morning.... Can you see what Ive drawn in there? That's my handwriting (and I've drawn that coz I missed you, and got bored for a bit).

then I went straight to the gym (I thought of terminating my life by attempting to lift 75kg of weights, but I realized that's so lame and I would look ridiculous in my coffin if that would have been the cause of my death... The face I made would look like I died from constipation...

And now I'm just waiting for you to come home. I've cancelled one work-related appointment for us to spend some quality time... Boss asked me if what's more important, you or work... without hesitation I chose you.

I'm just here, still waiting...

As soon as you arrive, we will